Narcissism of Small Differences
By Thomas M. Cagley Jr
Audio Version: SPaMCAST 185
Every interview I do for the Software Process and Measurement Cast teaches me something about our industry and the people that populate it. Occasionally a topic is brought up that sets me off on a new path of exploration and that changes how I interact with the world around me. The interview with Corey Haines in the SPaMCAST 182 was one such interview. During the cast, Corey referred to the concept of the “narcissism of small differences” as a barrier to delivering value. His point was dead-on but after I did some research I discovered that, like many other concepts, this one is a bit more complicated than I originally anticipated.
Why did the concept of “narcissism of small differences” jump up on my radar? First, I think we all can think of examples of meetings or decision processes snarled by minutia after the really important parts had been agreed upon. Why do we seem to get hung up on the small things as if they were really as important as the big points? Secondly, software development, maintenance and support functions are team activities. In most cases it is not just one team but rather teams interacting with other teams, each team having its own membership requirements and variable relationships with those outside the group. Anything that interferes with a team’s ability to function and communicate has a downside that can ripple outward and slow the delivery of value.
The Wikipedia[i] entry for the “narcissism of small differences” traces development of the term to Sigmund Freud in 1917. The entry goes on further to describe the concept in both in terms of building communities and differentiation of outsiders. Dr. Glen O. Gabbard, M.D., suggests that Freud’s concept of “narcissism of small difference” provides a framework to preserve a feeling of separateness and self in groups. Freud and Gabbard were not viewing the concept in terms of organizations or software development; however taking a broader view is not difficult.
Behavioral affectations like “narcissism of small differences” evolve because they have value. That value may be to the group, by making members obvious to each other or as a tool to resist new ideas that are perceived to be detrimental to the group or individual. As my daughter Meghan put it to me in an email exchange on this topic, “There is a duality to the idea.” The focus of small differences can be either a barrier to communications and decisions or a tool to unify a team. It boils down to that there are side effects—that some are good and some are not.
Side Effects:
Let us begin by postulating that organizations are naturally hierarchical and that position within the hierarchy is affected by competition. Any competitive advantage can be enough to distinguish a winner or loser. The focus and advertising of small differences can be used as mechanism to generate a competitive advantage by focusing attention. Even in a meritocracy small differences can be used to focus attention (the wise amongst us might call this marketing) which might just be the thumb on the scale of success or to block ideas. Minor differences are mechanisms to express and identify membership in groups within the hierarchy. A corollary to this thought is that expressing minor differences is a tool to attract positive social attention (assuming the difference is not significant enough to cause you to be ostracized). Positive social attention has been shown to be positively correlated to position and status within hierarchies. Tactics that increase the right type of attention will be reinforced and emulated because they are viewed as a tool for promotion.
Another side effect of “narcissism of small differences” is that it can lead to micromanagement. Being micromanaged kills innovation and motivation. Micromanagement is deadly to the development of self-organizing teams. How does “narcissism of small differences” lead to micromanagement or the failure to delegate? The problem occurs when narcissism leads to believing that there is only one way to solve any problem and wanting things done “just so.” While this type of behavior can occasionally lead to positive outcomes (positive feedback for bad behavior), more typically it can cause a leader to waste time and effort in attempting to make sure work is done exactly the way he or she wants even when the level of precision would not change the outcome or value delivered.
A third consequence of “narcissism of small differences” is that it can create barriers between people and groups which create communication problems. The communication problems are caused when focusing on small differences raises barriers between people. Barriers cause friction when sharing and interpreting data reducing the effectiveness of communication. Formal and informal groups are integral to how work is done in most information technology development. Teams are an example of formal groups while informal groups can develop based on topics as “trivial” as support for a sports team or as important as a development framework like scrum (popular agile project management framework). Groups that create strong boundaries or evoke a “we/they” equation can lead to insular thinking.
What seems like a total negative can be used as a benefit for building a team or a community that can act quickly. The identification of small differences can be used as signals to bring people with similar ideas together, then develop boundaries to glue them together. In today’s environment the internet provides a platform where groups that would not have been sustainable can become more sustainable by increasing reach. The benefit to groups with minimal differences is decision speed. Homogenous groups can come to consensus quicker than diverse groups (how good the solution might be is another story).
Solutions
Reducing the impact of “narcissism of small differences” is not as easy as waving a magic wand.
Real diversity is a mechanism for reducing the negative impact of “narcissism of small differences.” Teams built with diversity still have to go through the process of becoming a team (the Dexter / Sibbet Team Performance Model is one model of team development). The process of building a team includes building trust and understanding team goals and roles. Because a team requires trust, it will need a means of recognizing differences or removing those that can’t be accepted. Team building exercises are generally used technique for building trust.
Diverse teams will need to work a bit harder on decision making. The effect of diversity on decision making is felt in the arena of consensus driven decisions. Consensus is a mechanism for accepting that some differences may still exist when exiting a decision process. Consensus generally means that not everyone is 100% in agreement however everyone can support that decision. The process of coming to a consensus requires that all related views are heard (all that want to be) and the small differences can be lived with. Where individuals within groups fall prey to “narcissism of small differences” arriving at decisions by consensus becomes problematic unless the group continually acquiesces which defeats the benefit of group-think.
One caution on the diversity cure is that realistically much of the minutia we hold so dear is really a reflection of homogenization rather than diversity. The differences we identify are a reflection of how the same our positions really are at the base level. We manufacture scenarios of artificial uniqueness through accentuating small differences. My father wore a bow tie in a sea of “normal” ties as a statement of uniqueness. Whether the minor differences equate to true diversity is a greater question. Diversity has been linked to innovation; however if we are merely masking our sameness we are less likely to have diversity in thought.
Another mechanism for addressing “narcissism of small differences” is to change the rules by making the outcome of any decision more important and the stakes higher for failure. Raising the stakes will create a scenario that will foster alliances by making failure untenable. High stakes will sweep small differences aside. An example of this effect, I recently heard, was when two Americans of different social backgrounds met in a third class train in India. Despite having many small differences the two became immediate friends for the trip.
Another coping mechanism is to actively listen. Active listening is communication technique in which the listener feeds back what he hears to the speaker. Active listening makes sure you are listening rather than just waiting to talk. Active listening reduces misunderstandings and conflicts and strengthens cooperation. Listening will allow you to more easily identify the difference between what is important and what is minutia.
Summary
Why is “narcissism of small differences” a topic of discussion? Because obsessing and defining who we are based on small differences can hamper our ability to deliver value…unless managed. Barriers that are erected between groups hamper the free flow of ideas and information leading to the possibility of suboptimal solutions. Finally, defining others as “not us” is a mechanism to dehumanize outsiders which makes it easier seek conflict rather than cooperation. When you let minor nuances or differences become a barrier to diversity of thought or constrain the delivery of value, you have a problem. The next time you feel the urge to debate the size for footnotes, think about whether the time and energy would be better spent and if winning the debate matters in the grand scheme of your project.
[i] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissism_of_small_differences




